How bad do you want it?

It seems like I ask myself this questions all day long, especially days when I'm not in the gym. Those are the hardest, when I feel like I'm just not getting it done and feel like a massive fraud in the whole training area, as though I've never spent a moment in the gym. Even though I do. A lot. Probably more than I need to be.

How bad do you want it?

I think it's the perspective on this phrasing which hangs us up as growing humans. When the phrase is tossed out to people it's often with the assumed follow up of "are you willing to work harder?" at whatever it may be you're trying to decide if you want. It's an implication quietly accusing you of not doing your very best, even though you're standing there, shoulders hanging, breathing heavy, sweat dripping, muscles shaking, dumbbells stacked at your feet from numerous drop sets. Yet the little voice asks, "How bad do you want it? " And you considering do another set...even though your coach only asked for 4.

For me, putting in the work has never been an issue. I'll put the work in. Prefer it, because the time you're driving toward a goal keeps the mind busy, and when the mind is focused it can't wander, the emotions can't rise to bring doubt or challenges. You just move forward. And forward progression is important in any goal.  However, forward progression of falling on your face isn't necessarily the best way to move forward.

However, as I took my rest day today and at 6:30pm found myself restless and agitated by everything around me I started asking myself again, "How bad do you want it?" How bad do I really want to change my body? To change my life? Enough to put in the work, enough to run myself into the ground, the recent medical issues have already proven those limits have been pushed through. However, if I changed the perspective: How bad do I want it? Do I want it enough to back off? I saw this in a few other places today when I started to look. I have a tendency to be a bit aggressive toward most situations, having a deep belief if I just put my head down I can muscle my through most evens and experiences. Most the time I can, however, it may not always be the best way to handle the situations or experiences, and in the last few months as I've studied on my own self growth, I'm discovering emotionally ripping myself to shreds in order to push through is a bit detrimental to my forward progression.

I've defined success. (Check out my last post for more there) But do I want it enough to back off and let my body rest? Do I my internal peace and stability enough to practice patience and step back long enough to allowing the timing to flow forth? What if, instead of relentless driving ourselves toward the goals we simple asked more gently, "How bad do you want it? Enough to stop for two minutes and focus on your breath?

Enough to look at the little voice driving you on and saying, "You're a liar. I can. I am. And yielding to the moment and where you are doesn't mean surrender and it doesn't mean giving up."

How bad do I want it? Enough to let the cumulative effects of hard work and dedication build up and begin to show without pushing so far as to sabotage? I guess we'll see in the next few weeks, because there is going to be more than one opportunity to change my perspective. 

In school we're taught the definitions of words in order to communicate with others, but as I moved through my own experiences and challenges these last few years I've come to the decision...at some point you need to clarify your own definition of whatever you may be looking for or currently experiencing in your life.

Let me explain. You've learned how to communicate on some level with those around you, but, as Tony Robbins stated in one of his audio programs, "The quality of your life is a direct result of the quality of your communication....with yourself." And it's in the communication with our self where our own suffering, anxiety, or even delight and joy is created. How you can know if you've become a success if you don't know what the definition of success to you is? How about love and a relationship? How can you know if your in the relationship you're looking for if you have defined the boundaries of what you want to share, who you are, and what you're bringing to the table.

It's the same with fitness. If you come to me and want to improve your y health and fitness, but don't know exactly what that means to you, it's pretty vague, and though gives us parameters to work in, it doesn't necessarily give us the exact direction we need to move you toward. Set a definition, know what it is, and realise it can change and adjust as you grow.

For me, fitness, means being able to ask of my body, and having the confidence and ability for my body to follow through. Whether it's doing a powerful routine on stage, going kayaking, or deciding to spontaneously run the San Diego Convention Center stairs for kicks and giggles as fast as I can...my body can do what I ask of it. That's fitness, in my world. Knowing that, it helps keep my training on track so I have measurable results and directions, even small goals, to work toward.

If you've been work toward something, or continually struggling with an idea or though, or even if those goals just seem to keep slipping out of your fingers, then perhaps you need to sit down and look at exactly how you define what's happening, if it serves you to define it in such away, and what the resulting self-talk is concerning your definitions. The self-talk will help create direct results, so pay attention to your definitions and how your self talk responds.

Ready to change your life? Then prepare for some self inquiry. Whatever the issue maybe, bring it forward in your mind and body, let it sit there. Feel it. Then ask:

What does this idea/event/goal mean to me?
What have I done to move toward it at this point? Were the results what I wanted?
Am I clear on exactly what accomplishing this means and the next step? (If not, sit with this questions awhile?)
The definition I have, is it mine or someone else's? Does it serve me?

Definitions are integral, but not set in stone. Just the the tides they will ebb and flow, just pay attention, do your best to become to attached to them, but know how changing and being aware of them will keep you moving in the right direction.


And as always:
     TRAIN: Lead with the heart; the body will follow.

Jenna